The Rules of Hello

You live here long enough and the constant hellos of little children, teenagers, and the occasional random adult cease to be cute and, to be perfectly honest, become a source of annoyance. That’s rather harsh, you are thinking to yourself, they only are saying hello… aren’t you glad to hear an English word every once in a while? Yes, they are only saying hello, but you begin to feel as though you’ve got a flashing sign above your head that says, “I’m foreign, talk to me.” Since, there seem to be a lot of misconceptions about proper helloing etiquette, and since, if we responded to every hello uttered in our general direction, that is what we’d spend all day, every day, doing, Danielle (my trusty roommate) and I have come up with some rules:

1. Hellos screamed at the top of ones lungs, especially those hellos that sound angry, will not be responded to—particularly if they are screamed from a balcony.
2. Hellos said after we have already walked past (in other words, those hellos that are said to our backs) will not be responded to.
3. If every child in a group says hello, they will only receive one collective hello in response. Individual hellos in response are not necessary.
4. Hellos said while making fun of us (in Mongolian, which we happen to understand) will be ignored.
5. Polite hellos, especially from cute kids will gladly be responded to with a smile and a hello.
6. Hellos in foreign languages, particularly Russian, German, and Chinese, will be responded to at our discretion.

Note: we did consider broadcasting these guidelines on local TV, but decided not to since we’ll both be moving soon–Danielle to the states, and me to another part of Mongolia.